


I Want It All

by emr_0725



Category: To All the Boys I've Loved Before (Movies), To All the Boys I've Loved Before Series - Jenny Han
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Romantic Comedy, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Romance, F/M, Idiots in Love, Jealous Peter, Love/Hate, Neighbors, Oblivious Lara Jean Song-Covey, Original Character(s), POV Alternating, Romantic Comedy, Sexual Tension, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-17 09:00:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29963991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emr_0725/pseuds/emr_0725
Summary: In this "COVID"-sky AU fic, PK and LJ become neighbors who spar, snark, and eventually love in covid times.
Relationships: Peter Kavinsky/Lara Jean Song-Covey
Comments: 58
Kudos: 125





	1. Lock the door

**Author's Note:**

> Leave a comment if you have time! I love to hear from you.
> 
> _____________________
> 
> Chapter title is from "On the Floor" by Perfume Genius.

Lara Jean reaches for a pillow and buries her head under it, squeezing it over her ears.She is so tired and is in desperate need of some good sleep, and apparently her new next door neighbor is having a party with base thumping music.So loud.So obnoxious.Lara Jean groans.Is this what she’s going to have to live with now?Why did Cara have to move?She was the best neighbor - quiet and older with the sweetest grandchildren imaginable. She told Lara Jean she rented her apartment out to a really nice boy.Obviously she was mistaken. 

Lara Jean is under a lot of pressure - the deadline for her first draft of her new book is quickly approaching, and she has been suffering from the worst case of writer’s block.She spent the day trying to write, and after only 2000 uninspired words that will likely have to be rewritten, her anxiety is through the roof.2000 words after nine hours!2000 terrible words.If she doesn’t get sleep, tomorrow will be another fail, and she can’t let that happen.

She glances at her phone.2:17 AM. She scowls and sits up quickly, shoving her feet into her well loved slippers and stalks out of her apartment.

She walks over to the apartment next door and raps on the door loudly.Of course, no one can hear her over all the noise.She sighs.The door is slightly ajar, and she pushes it in and knocks on the wall just inside the apartment.Still no answer.

“Hello?”

“Jenna?Come on in!” Calls a male voice. 

She leans in and looks around.There are boxes everywhere, stacked so high she can’t see over them.

“No, uh, I’m not Jenna. I’m your neighbor,” she says as loudly as she can with a kind, clear voice.“I’m trying to sleep.I was wondering if you could keep it down just a little.”

She hears some rustling and feels alarmed.Is this safe?She steps back into the doorway so she can make a quick getaway.

“What?”The voice is closer now, but she still can’t see anyone.

“Could you please keep it down a little?I have to work tomorrow and I need some sleep,” she says.

“It’s Friday.”

Wow.This guy….

“Yeah, I know what day it is,” she says, trying to keep her voice level.“I still have to work tomorrow.”

“So because you have to work, I can’t have a social life?”The voice is gruff and ornery.

She hears more movement.He’s getting closer.She’s about to turn and leave, but she feels a surge of temper flare.This guy is unbelievable.

And then she unleashes.“You know what?Just forget it.Of course you don’t have to do anything for another human being who’s asking for a little empathy!Just do what you want to do!Live your best life!Who cares that I actually have to get up and work all day to make a deadline?It’s not midnight, you know.It’s past two in the morning!I guess that’s just _my_ problem, right?” She’s horrified at the break in her voice.What is wrong with her?The sleep deprivation and her anxiety must be getting to her.She is losing it.She has tears in her eyes now and she feels a sob rising in her throat.And then she shivers because she’s cold and looks down and realizes she’s in her pajamas, a flimsy camisole and shorts - no robe, no bra. What was she thinking? She needs to get out of here, quickly.

“Whoah, whoah…. Okay, I’m sorry,” the voice is at her back now.“I’ll keep it down.”

“Whatever, it’s fine,” she mutters, and she turns to open the door, humiliated.

“Wait.Covey?”

Oh god.There’s only one person in this world who calls her that.Please no.

She doesn’t turn around. 

“Lara Jean?”

She turns her head slightly, and says with the most dignity she can muster as she crosses her arms over her chest, “Good night, Peter.”

* * *

She takes great lengths to avoid Peter after their confrontation.She assumes it was him knocking on her door shortly after she left his apartment, but she didn’t answer.She wants to pretend it didn’t happen and that her next-door neighbor is still a stranger.And the pretending shouldn’t be that hard.After all, she could count on one hand how many conversations she has had with Peter during and after high school.He _is_ basically a stranger to her - a rude, inconsiderate, un-evolved stranger who saw her in barely-there pajamas and furry slippers (slippers with whiskers, damn it!), who saw her cry and have a mini breakdown over sleep.God.She cringes thinking about it.

She carefully observes his routine over the next few days.He has a set routine, leaving in the early morning on weekdays, so that’s when Lara Jean tries to slip out, and she comes home early, way before anyone with a normal job would.She’s sure that after not seeing him for a few weeks the sting of the embarrassment will wear off and she can resume her normal life, and then it won’t matter if she runs into him or not.They can just nod and smile to each other like the other residents in the building do, much like they did in high school, and leave it at that.

But it’s not so easy to ignore him…..He’s too loud.Even when he’s in the apartment by himself, he makes a racket unpacking and hammering and playing music.And when he walks down the hall, his big steps are audible and the way he closes his front door makes her walls shake.And forget it when he’s with someone or talking on the phone - his laugh and voice ring in her ears.Ugh - he’s always been like this, taking up all the space with his dumb charisma and carefree ways.

She goes online and orders a stupidly expensive set of noise-cancelling headphones and downloads a white noise app on her phone. And then she decides to try out a new millionaire’s shortbread recipe.Soon enough, she gets lost in the measuring, melting, and mixing and the tension starts to dissolve. 

* * *

Knock, knock, knock.

Lara Jean rushes to the door.Ben’s finally back!After being away for three weeks in China for work, he’s back and she can’t wait to kiss his sweet face.She’s taken care to dress for dinner and decided on wearing his favorite little black dress with nude heels and the earrings he bought her for Christmas.She swings open the door and is about to launch herself into his arms but then her jaw drops and she stumbles backwards when she sees the laughing eyes and curly hair.

“Hey Covey. Are you done avoiding me?”


	2. You're hard to find

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PK and LJ strike a deal.

As Lara Jean stumbles back into her front hall, Peter takes a big step forward, grinning.She’s adorably flustered and a blush is creeping onto her face.He takes a good look at her.She’s still the pretty Lara Jean Covey he remembers, with the long lashes and glossy hair.No, she’s actually stunning - her dress skimming her petite frame and accentuating her curves, and her face made up to draw attention to her almond eyes and gorgeous lips and -

“Uh, hey Peter.Sorry, now isn’t a good time.I’m on my way out,” Lara Jean says quickly, walking to the door and holding it open with her hand, not making eye contact.

“Come on Covey.I’ve been wanting to run into you.I’m sorry for being an asshole on the night I moved in.”

“It’s fine.No worries.It’s forgotten,” she says in a rush.“Have a good night!”And she looks pointedly out into the hall.

This is not how he had planned for his apology to be received. She’s basically kicking him out of her apartment.Why is she so dismissive?

“So…that’s it?” He looks at her, eyebrows raised. 

“Hmmm?”She’s fiddling with her goddamn bracelet now, trying to clasp it, not even looking at him.“Yeah, we’re cool Peter.I’ll see you around.”

Huh.

“Do you want to catch up sometime?I mean, what are the odds that we’re next-door neighbors after all these years?”

“Peter, Boston is a revolving door, a place where everyone is either passing through or leaving.I ran into someone from my college hall a few days ago while I was getting coffee.It’s just a coincidence.We don’t have to pretend we were friends or anything.”

“We were friends!”

“Uh, okay.” She smirks.“Well we’re friends that grew apart years and years and years ago, like in junior high.Not really surprising because we’re so different.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that I have a very specific set of interests, most likely stuff that you would find boring.”

“Oh, yeah?Like what?”He’s insulted now.Who does she think she is?

“Like reading and going to museums and architecture.That kind of stuff.I like art and literature and learning.”

“Oh, I don’t like any of that?I don’t like to read?” 

“Do you?”She asks, and she seems genuinely surprised.He has a sudden realization.She thinks he’s a huge dumb ass.

“Yeah I do.”

“Oh, ok.I’m sorry.I didn’t mean it as a criticism.Well anyway…” She makes a dismissive motion with one manicured hand.“It doesn’t really matter how different we are.If we were supposed to be friends, we’d be friends by now.We’ve known each other for almost all of our lives.”She glances at her phone.“Oh Peter, I have to go.I’m expecting someone.He’s coming up now.Have a good - ” Before she can finish ushering him out she squeals and runs down the hall to the opening elevator door.

A tall blonde man walks into the corridor, and Lara Jean jumps up and throws her arms around him.“Benny!” She squeals as he kisses her all over her face and lifts her up to him while she giggles and nuzzles.

Is this the same girl who has been icing him out?Peter scowls to himself and then purposely rearranges his face into a pleasant smile as Ben and Lara Jean walk towards her apartment holding hands and smiling widely.Her smile falters when she sees that Peter is still standing in the hall. 

“Hey man, I’m Peter,” he says, holding out his hand.

“Hey, I’m Ben,” and he shakes Peter’s hand firmly, making eye contact.

“Benny, Peter moved into Cora’s apartment.We went to high school together.”

“And elementary school and junior high,” Peter says pointedly.“And we lived two neighborhoods over from each other.”She doesn’t give indication that she’s heard him speak.Brat.

He smiles at her again and nudges her shoulder.

“Covey, you know what I really miss?Your berets! Remember when you used to wear berets to school?For that whole semester?Do you still have them?It’s going to be cold tonight. Maybe you should put one on.”He turns to Ben and says in an earnest tone,“If you haven’t already, you have got to see her beret collection.It’s pretty special.”

Lara Jean turns her head and finally makes eye contact with him. He sees her eyes flash with warning. He comically widens his own eyes, raising his eyebrows and shrugging his shoulders, lifting up his hands and mouths “What?”

She gives him a little forced smile and says, “Peter, I don’t want to keep you.I know you must have plans.Have a great night!” 

He gives her a huge smile. “Thanks for being so warm and welcoming, Covey.I’m so glad we’re finally reconnecting.It’s um, uh… what’s that word I’m thinking of?”He scrunches up his face as if he’s deep in thought.He bites back a smile when he hears Lara Jean sigh.He turns to Ben and says, “Sorry.I forget words a lot.It’s because I can’t read.”

Ben looks confused, but he quickly recovers.“No worries.It was nice to meet you.See you around.”

“Have a great night out,” Peter says, finally taking a step to his apartment door.He turns around once more before he turns the doorknob and when he sees her shoot him with her death glare, he blows her a kiss and winks.

* * *

He didn't hear her come back that night, and he’s surprised to find her waiting for the elevator in the morning.He grins as he approaches.This is going to be fun.

“Good morning, Covey.” 

When she doesn’t respond, he leans in closer and says, “Good morning.”

She looks him in the eye, and points to an ear pod lodged in her ear and shrugs with a little smile. He nods and smiles and pulls out his phone as they enter the elevator.

“Yeah, bruh,” he says loudly.“I hit that hard last night.You know, she was begging for it all night long.”He peeks at Lara Jean and sees her scowling.He smirks and returns to his call.“You know how much she wants me.Her sister’s coming over tonight.It’s her turn now.”

“She wants me, too.Bad.I’m going to have to tell her to bring her own dinner.I’m ordering pizza and I don’t want her input on toppings.She has to understand that she’s lucky that I’m even asking her to come over.Just because we’re hooking up doesn’t mean I have to share my food.I mean, she’s not even close to a ten.You’d have to be a solid ten to have a PK pizza hook up."

Lara Jean’s shoulders are so tense and raised that they look like they are almost touching her ears now.He notices that her hands are clenched into tight fists, the skin around her knuckles is mottled with red and white splotches and he feels a wicked sense of glee.

They reach the ground floor, and the elevator’s doors open. “Okay, I’ll talk to you later,” he says into the phone beforehe puts the it back into his pocket.

She’s making a beeline for the front door and he takes long strides to keep up with her.When they approach the vestibule, it’s clear that they can’t fit through the doorway together, but because neither of them are willing to take a step back, they push through, jockeying to get ahead and ramming into each other.

“God!” Lara Jean huffs, rubbing her shoulder.

“Hmmm?What?” Peter asks innocently.

“What is with you?”

“What do you mean?”

“Why can’t you just let me walk though a doorway by myself?”

“Oh, I didn’t even know you were trying to get through.I would have let you go first.”

“Right, Peter.Because of your impeccable manners. You’re so chivalrous.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Ugh.i don’t even want to be in the same room with someone as disgusting as you.”

“Excuse me?”

“You’re like the poster boy for venereal disease and pig behavior.”He closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose hard in an effort to not laugh out loud.

“What?”

“You talking to your friend.Come on Peter.Your bruh? You’re having sex with two sisters, one right after the other? I might vomit.You won’t even let someone you’re sleeping with share pizza with you?God, I feel associated guilt for your behavior just because I know you.”

“Were you eavesdropping on my conversation?How rude!”He pretends he’s offended.

“You were talking right next to me!”

“Oh!So you can hear through those ear pods.Hmmm… Interesting.”

“You know what Peter?You think this is a joke?You’re such a sad outcome of misogyny and chauvinism and entitlement that you don’t even realize how tragic you are.I’m not messing around with you. You are so depraved.In fact, I think it will be a disservice to society if I just stand by and do nothing while I witness this behavior.You need rehabilitation.”

“Oh yeah?So rehab me.” He’s flirting now - he’s toeing the line now and he knows it.

She narrows her eyes and scoffs.“No, you couldn’t pay me enough to rehab you.But I know for sure that there’s one person who will help you.She’s beautiful and poised and well spoken.You want to know who she is?” 

He nods, grinning.

“Your mom.I’m going to call her.I’m going to tell her what you’ve been up to and how you treat women.I know she still has that shop.I’m going to call her there.”She then pulls open the door to leave.

Peter chokes back a gasp and starts to panic.SHIT!! This is going to far.His mom would kill him. Kill him.He’s twenty-seven but he has no shame in admitting that his mom can still school him. He quickly throws out a hand and holds the door closed. 

“Wait!Lara Jean, stop!I was joking.I wasn’t talking to anyone.I made up that whole story to mess with you. You can look at the time stamps on my calls,” he says, showing her his phone.“See the last call I made was last night.”

She glares at him.“Why would you do that?” 

“Because you are so stuck up and rigid and rude to me. You’re a snob.You won’t even talk to me because you don’t think I’m good enough to have a conversation with?Give me a break.The fact that you even think I’m capable of being some kind of fuck boy douchebag is so insulting!Come on!You stick your ear pods in so you don’t even have to say hi or good morning?That’s such bullshit, Covey.”

“Are you kidding?I’m probably the most anti-snob person you know.And honestly, why do we have to labor under some pretense that we’re friends?It sounds like a lot of work for very little reward,” she says.And then she closes her eyes and exhales deeply.In a gentler tone, she says, “Okay, you know what?I’m sorry that I’ve been so judgmental and rude.I’m under a lot of stress with my work and I’m having trouble sleeping and there’s other stuff too. I’ve been unfair to you.I’ll be better at social norms with you.Okay?”

“Social norms? Like you have to greet me and not pretend you don’t know me and be nice?”

“Yes.”

“Okay deal.”He grins. 

“Wait a minute… That also means that you can’t extrovert all the time in my space.It’s a lot for me.”

“I can’t help who I am,” he says with a cocky grin.“I’m an extrovert.A people person.I don’t know if I can just turn off my natural charm.”

“God, cocky much? I’m just asking you to respect my space.That’s all.”

“I’ll try.”

“Okay, that’s good enough,” and she puts out her hand so they can shake on it.“Deal?”

“Deal.”

* * *

He was intending to do his best to keep his end of the deal, but she’s just too fun and too cute and too uptight and he can’t help himself.

When he hears her door open the next morning, he bounds out of the apartment like a puppy.“Hey Covey.”

“Deal,” she says in a warning tone, lifting up a finger.

“I also would like to invoke the deal clause because you didn’t greet me,” Peter says with a somber nod, but his eyes are playful and bright and he has to swallow a chuckle.“Deal” he says sharply, mimicking her tone perfectly and raising a finger of his own.

“You can’t immediately follow my warning with one of your own!” She huffs. 

He looks expectantly at her.“I’m waiting, Covey.”

She sighs loudly.“Good morning, Peter.” 

“Good morning.What are you up to today?”He asks, following her down the hall.

“I’m going to write.All day.I have that deadline, remember?”She grimaces.

“Where do you write?Can I meet you there?I also have to work.I have a brief to review for Monday.” Could he sound any more desperate?

She steps into the elevator, and he pushes on the doors to keep them open.

“Aaaahhhhh!Oh my god, Peter!A huge spider!!” She shrieks loudly.

He yelps, letting go of the doors quickly and jumping back into the hall.

As the elevator doors start to close she says “Deal,” her lips curving up into big dimpled smile that hits him so hard that he inadvertently folds an arm over his stomach. 

Damn, girl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comments! Always love to hear your thoughts.
> 
> _________________________
> 
> Chapter title is from "New Love Cassette" by Angel Olsen.


	3. I hide it away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> LJ and PK hang out.

Lara Jean snickers as she sets up her laptop at her favorite table at the coffee house.Who would have thought that Peter Kavinsky would be so fearful? And his fears are so… endearing.Spiders and his mother. She gets a grim satisfaction knowing how useful this information will be in the coming days.She knows she’ll need to use it.He is waging warfare on her - weird needy neighbor warfare - and she knows why.He can’t stand to think that someone wouldn’t want to be friends with him.The ego is real with Peter Kavinsky.

And then it comes to her suddenly.A new character…. A man named….uh… Isaac.Isaac…um…Hunt.Perfect.Okay.New document.She starts typing away.What’s his back story?His hang ups?His fears?His dreams?

She scraps her original plot.This will be better.A misunderstood man in search of his one true love…who is… another man.…who is emotionally unavailable. But completely swoon worthy.She’s on a roll.She keeps typing away creating new files with new characters and a plot line.Now she’ll need help writing any steamy scenes, but she has plenty of friends who can clue her in. 

She types away for hours.When her phone starts buzzing, she rolls out her shoulders and takes a look at the time.Four hours and six characters and a promising plot line.She glances at the missed texts.

Ben: Missing you already.Can I buy you lunch or a snack?

Lara Jean:Sorry, I’m finally making progress and can’t break the momentum.Late dinner at your place?

Ben: Sure.What do you want? 

Lara Jean:You pick.I’m sure you miss home food.

Ben: Ok, let me know if you need anything.Love you.

Lara Jean: Love you too.I’m turning off my phone now. 

She takes another sip of her cappuccino and smiles.It’s a good day. 

* * *

At 5:00, she slips a twenty dollar bill into the tip jar and says goodbye to Jeremy, the sweet college student who works on Sundays and always greets her with a delicious cappuccino complete with a skillfully designed foam cursive L, and heads home. 

It’s cold and it’s supposed to blizzard late night, but she doesn’t care.She’s gotten over the hump and now this draft will come together.There’s no question this is going to work out. For the first time in weeks, even months, she’s excited to delve into this characters and story and write.She’s smiling to herself and lost in her thoughts as she waits by the elevator, sipping the to-go chamomile tea Jeremy fixed her. 

“Hey Covey.”

Sigh.Forced smile.“Hi Peter.”

“Did you have a productive day?”

“Yes,” she says smiling, thinking about Isaac Hunt.

“What do you do for work?”

“Covey?”

“Hmmmm?”

“Hey.Deal.Small talk is part of social norms.”

“Oh, okay.Sorry, I’m distracted. What?”

“I know you said you write.But what kind of writing do you do for work?”

“I’m a wanna-be novelist.”

“That’s cool.”

“Yeah, thanks,” she says and then thinks about Isaac.He’ll be tall like Ben, but maybe he’s adopted.Maybe he’s Asian American or African American…

“Hey, Covey?”

“Covey, I’m still talking.You’re fading out again.”

“Oh sorry.I’m just distracted.I thought of a storyline and am changing my book completely, so I’m kind of lost in that world right now.”She tries to snap out of it, but her story is calling to her.

They’re on their floor now and walking to their apartments.She turns to Peter.

“You know, maybe I’d be more likely to respond if you didn’t call me Covey all the time.I’m not used to being called that.Call me LJ or Lara Jean.That’s what most people call me.”

“Never.I’m not calling you something everyone else calls you.”

She pauses.“Why?”

“Just because..…”He shrugs and then changes the subject.“I’m ordering food.Want some?”

She’s zoned out again, thinking maybe that Isaac’s love interest should have curls like Peter.

“Covey?” He shakes his head.“Again, not adhering to social norms, but I’ll allow it.”

She scowls.“Peter, you were in my space during this entire conversation and I didn’t say anything.”

“I’m not invoking the deal.I said I’ll allow it.”He smirks.

She sighs.Why is he so demanding?Good god.“Good night, Peter.”

“Good night, Covey.”

* * *

Her phone is buzzing again.

“Hey!”She answers.

“Lara Jean, I don’t think you should come over tonight.The blizzard is going to hit earlier than expected.And I don’t want you stuck on the road in an Uber or waiting for the T.”

She sighs.“But if there’s a blizzard, I won’t be able to see you tomorrow either.The roads will be a mess.”

“I know.I’m disappointed, too.But l’m here for the next two weeks before I have to leave again.We’ll spend every minute together starting on Tuesday, okay?It’s just a couple of nights.”

God, for someone who writes romance, she certainly picked the most level-headed, least impulsive partner ever.He’s been in China for weeks! Shouldn’t he be desperate to see her?

“Fine.”

“Don’t be upset, okay?I can’t wait to spend more time with you.And I have some good news, too.”

“Really?What?”She perks up.

“They’re making me the head of Asian markets.”Ben works for an energy consulting firm, and he has been working hard and getting promoted often. 

“Oh my god.That’s amazing!Congratulations!”

“So, let’s plan a trip to San Francisco soon to look for a place.”

“What?We’re not moving to New York?We’ve been planning the move for almost a year!You promised me we could move back there.”

“Lara Jean, I’ll be in Asia like forty to fifty percent of the time.Wouldn’t you rather be on the West Coast to make it more manageable?You love San Francisco.That’s why I told them I’d want that office over LA.”

“What? _Fifty percent_?Ben…. Did you already accept the position?”Her stomach drops and voice is trembling as tears smart in her eyes.

“Please don’t get upset.I thought you wanted this.Besides it was kind of an exploding offer.”

“Ben, I can’t do this over the phone,” she says softly.“Let’s talk about when we see each other, okay?I love you.”And then she hangs up and has a good cry. It's always the same story with him. She's second to his career always. He says he wants to marry, but come on... What kind of partner would take that type of position without consulting their significant other? And plan a cross-country move? She's so tired of crying over his Type A selfish cluelessness.

* * *

The snow is starting to accumulate quickly, and Lara Jean has to admit that she’s glad to be at home. How terrible would it have been if she was snowed in with Ben right now, with all this unhappiness and disappointment.She pushes the negative thoughts aside for now and tries to focus on other things.

She takes inventory of her fridge and realizes that there’s nothing to make for dinner.It’s too late for take out, but she does have the ingredients to bake some of those Levain chocolate chip cookies.She’s been itching to try the recipe she found online.

She puts on her playlist and pulls out the ingredients.As she creams the butter and sugar, her mind wanders back to her story.

Hmmm…Isaac Hunt’s love interest….She thinks parts of Peter would be a great model for that character - personality and looks wise, and Isaac could be more like Ben.She smiles thinking about it.Such a handsome couple.Ben is so used to having aspects of him in characters in her stories, but she really should clear it with Peter before she starts developing the character more.She quickly types notes in her phone - _Isaac’s love interest - cocky, handsome, athletic, unwilling to be disliked or ignored._ She’s too excited about the story to wait for long.She’ll stop by Peter’s tonight.

While they cookies are baking, she eats a banana and a yogurt, wishing so much that she could have a hot meal, that she prepared for the blizzard.What is she going to do about food for the next couple of days?She thought she’d be with Ben, who is always prepared, who is the only person their age that she knows who has a disaster stash.He could easily cook her three beautiful meals a day without having to leave his condo.

She gets lost in her book again and is startled when the timer goes off on her phone. She takes the cookies out of the oven and transfers them onto the metal racks she had laid out on the counter.She sets the timer for another ten minutes, and then searches for a basket and a cloth napkin.She’s planning to pull out all the stops for her conversation with Peter.

She freshens up in the bathroom, brushing her hair and touching up her lips and then carefully packs the cookies in the basket, wrapping them in a starched white napkin.And then, as an afterthought, she rummages around in her craft drawer and finds a fake spider she used to decorate for Halloween and stuffs it in the bottom of the basket, chortling to herself. There’s no way he’ll find it until he finishes the cookies, long after he’s already agreed to help her with the character.

She takes a deep breath and knocks on Peter’s door.

She raps gently, plastering a winning smile on her face.

* * *

“Covey?”He’s surprised to see her.

“Hey, Peter,” she says.“I baked you some cookies.”

“What?” He frowns.“Is there anthrax in there or something?”

She laughs.“No, come on.I baked them just for you.Look, they’re warm,” she says, peeling back the napkin.“Chocolate chip.It’s the Levain recipe.”

“Huh?”

“Oh, it’s just this really popular chocolate chip cookie from a bakery in New York.They’re really good,” she says.“Well maybe you don’t eat sweets?If not, I can just take them back.I didn’t really think-”

“Are you serious?I love cookies,” he says, stuffing one in his mouth.“Mmmm…oh my god this is so good,” he says closing his eyes.When he finishes chewing, he opens his eyes and looks at her suspiciously again.“Why did you bake me these?”

“Well, I have to ask you something.”

“Oh?So this is a bribe?”

She sighs inwardly but forces herself to stay pleasant.“Kind of, I guess.I wanted to ask you - ”

“Hold on, come inside so we can talk.”

“No, I can just ask you quickly right here.”

“I’m not standing out in the hall while my dinner is getting cold. Also,” he says, smirking.“Deal.Social norms.When you ask someone a favor, you don’t get to set all the terms.”

“I know that!You act like I don’t know how to be a human.Give me a break!”

He chuckles.“Okay, so come inside.”He holds open the door. 

She steps in and is struck at how neat the apartment is… And how sparse and impersonal.There is not one wall hanging or framed photo.Just matching furniture and a big television.

“Did you eat?”

“Uh, yeah.”

“What did you have?”

“Yogurt.”

“For dinner?”

“Yeah, I like yogurt.”

“Oh.Well I got Thai.Want some?”

“No thanks.”

“Sit on the sofa.I’ll be right back.We can eat there.”

When he comes out of the kitchen, he brings two plates with heaping portions of pad thai and salad rolls and sets the plates on the coffee table.

“What do you want to drink?”

“Nothing.I’m fine.”

He disappears into the kitchen again, and when he returns he is carrying beers and two glasses of water.He sets them down, too, and starts eating but Lara Jean just sits and watches him.

“What are you waiting for?Eat.”

“I told you I ate.”

“I think I’m figuring you out.You don’t know how to feed yourself.That’s why you’re so grumpy and antisocial.That’s how your hanger manifests itself.”

“That is so not true!I don’t get hangry.”She doesn’t have the willpower to resist the food set in front of her.She hardly ate today because she was so preoccupied with her story. She starts eating and she forces herself not to react to his smug smile when he sees her pick up her fork.

“See, Covey?Sharing a meal with me isn’t that hard.In fact, some women actually look forward to it.”

“Peter, couldn’t you have just stopped at the first sentence?”

He hoots.“You give me more shit than anyone I know.”

She laughs.“I don’t mean to.”

“Also, don’t you think you should be super nice to me, considering you are about to ask me for something?”

“I am being nice!I baked you a basket of cookies, remember?”

“Yeah, but for the amount of shit you give me, I deserve more.”He grins.“Okay, so what is the favor?”

She squares her shoulders and takes a deep breath.“Well, it’s about my book.I’ve had the worst writer’s block I’ve ever experienced, but today, I broke through it and started writing something I’m super excited about… A new story idea with new characters and everything.”

He nods, waiting for her to continue.

“And there’s one character, the protagonist’s love interest, that I want to model after you.”

“Me?”He grins.“I’m the love interest?”

“Well, it’s aspects of you, not completely you.”

“What’s his name going to be?”

“I’m not sure yet.I’m up in the air about a lot of the names except for the protagonist.”

“What’s the protagonist’s name?”

“Isaac.”

“ _Isaac_?Is the protagonist a man?”

“Yes, Peter.He’s a man.This is going to be a story about Isaac finding his true love, who happens to be a guy who shares some personality and physical traits with you.”

“So it’s a romance?” His eyes widen.

“Yeah, that’s my genre.Romance.”

“It is?” He looks surprised.

“Yeah, I live for romance and happily ever afters and true love.That’s what I write.”

So,” she says, turning to him with a sweet smile, “what do you say?Are you okay with it?”

He nods slowly, “Yeah I think so.” Then he gets a gleam in his eye.“But I want something in exchange.”

She looks at him skeptically.

“I want to have naming rights over the character.You can veto, of course, but I want to name him.I also want you to thank me in the acknowledgments.And, you have to hang out with me while we are snowed in.”

“What?The first two are okay, but I don’t want to hang out.”

“Come on!I hate being all alone stuck inside.We can do whatever you want to do.”

“Noooo…..Please? Let’s just agree on the first two.”

“Nope.All or nothing.” 

She sits there pondering and he rolls his eyes, crossing his arms and leaning back onto the sofa.

“Okay, fine Peter.But we have to do what _I_ want.I’m not going to sit around and watch sports and drink beer.”

“Fine.”He bites back a smile.

“What else do you have to drink?”

“What?”

“I don’t drink beer, and I need a drink.”

“Wine?Whisky? That’s all I have.Oh, and also edibles.”

“What kind of wine?”

“I have a tempra-”

“Sold.And reserving edible option for later, depending on how the night goes.”

He laughs.“I’ll pour you a glass.”

* * *

Lara Jean cannot drink.At all.A glass and a half in and she’s a hot hilarious adorable mess who is, however, insanely good at Scrabble.Peter is sulking because he’s realizing it’s going to be impossible for him to catch up.And it’s clear that Lara Jean is reveling in her win.

“Hmmm?Is it my turn again?” She asks, a wicked glint in her eye.“Porcine.” 

Goddamn it.

“Peter, how many points do I have now?”She bats her eyes at him.He scowls at her.

“Never mind, Peter.Don’t count.It’s not a competition.Your turn.”

He silently lays down his tiles.

“Oh, hat?Good job, Peter!You know, you are getting better and better at this.”

She is the biggest brat.

“My turn.Aha!Quartz.Don’t forget.Triple word score.”

He glares at her. 

“Oh wait!I’m done.I have no more tiles and there are none left.Great game.”She cocks her head a little to the side and smiles.

“Covey?Hello? I’m losing you again.”

“Oh sorry!”

“You know?That’s pretty freaking rude.Deal.”

“I’m sorry.What did you need?”

“I just realized you don’t know where I work.”

“Oh, that’s okay.I don’t need to know.”

“Deal.Rude again.”

“I’m not being rude!I just don’t need to know, but if you want to tell me, just tell me damn it!God, I wish there was no invoking the deal.Why did I teach you that?”

He snickers. 

“And I told you.Just don’t call me Covey!Call me LJ or Lara Jean.I’ll be more likely to respond.”

“Hell no.I want my own special nickname.” 

She huffs.

“Okay, I’ll tell you what… I’ll give you another option.You can choose which one.”

She snorts.“Fine.”

He’s smug now.“Dots.”

“Dots?”

“Yeah, you know, like that Halloween candy.”

“What?That doesn’t make any sense.I don’t even like those.”

“I never did either until recently, like when I moved in.Now I think they’re my favorite.”He smirks.

“Well they’re not mine, so the nickname is dumb.”

“They remind me of you - well the night I moved in.”

“What?Why?”

He stares pointedly at her chest. 

She narrows her eyes and tugs her open-front sweater and wraps it tightly around her torso, and then crosses her arms.“Deal!”

“You know you can’t just invoke the clause because you don’t like what I’m saying.” He’s still smirking.

“Fine.New warning.”She holds her phone up.“Your. Mom.”

“Jesus.Covey, come on!”He tries to grab her phone from her, but she shoves it in back of her.

“I’m going to tell her you’re trying to make a nipple nickname for me and you’re making me uncomfortable.And you know she’s going to believe me.Parents like me, Peter.”

“Okay, stop!Relax!I won’t call you Nipples, I promise! Uh, I mean, Dots.”

* * *

“Covey?Covey, come on!”Lara Jean is fast asleep on the sofa.“Come on, let’s go to bed.”

“Stooooooppppp, you’re always in my space” she swats at him with both of her hands like a child, making him chuckle. She has to give him shit even when she’s passed out.

“Okay, up we go.”He pulls her up easily and throws her over his shoulder and walks to her apartment.It’s locked.Who the hell locks their apartment during a blizzard when they’re right next door?She’s so much work.He sighs.“Covey, where’s your key?”

“Pocket.”

He checks in her pockets, moving her from one shoulder to the other, but there’s no key.“It’s not here.Covey, think.”

She’s snoring softly now.God, of course she has the cutest snore.He shakes his head and sighs and brings her back to his apartment.

* * *

Lara Jean wakes up in the middle of Peter’s bed, alone and fully clothed, except for her sweater. 

Her mouth feels like she’s been chewing on cotton, but otherwise she feels rested.She vaguely remembers not being able to find her key last night.Peter must have let her sleep in his bed, which means he’s probably out on the sofa, which means it would be the perfect time to retrieve the fake spider she put in the cookie basket and place it somewhere in his bedroom.She tiptoes out into the kitchen and finds the spider and runs back to his room.She decides to hide it under his pillow, but she fumbles and drops it under the bed.

As she’s on her hands and knees searching for it, she hears Peter knock on the door.“Covey, are you up yet?I thought I heard you.”

“Hmmm?”

He opens the door, just as she finds the spider.“What do you want for - ”Wait, what are you hiding?”

“Nothing.”She has the spider clasped in her hands behind her back. 

He starts walking towards her.

“Peter, it’s nothing!It’s private.It’s a girl thing.It has to do with female anatomy.”

She’s backing up towards the wall.

“Oh really?Let me see.”

“No!God.Can’t I even have some privacy about my menstrual cycle?”

He’s getting closer, so close that she can smell his clean laundry smell and minty breath.He’s not wearing a shirt and she can feel the heat radiating from his skin now.His bare skin grazes her thin shirt as he cages her in against the wall and reaches behind her with both arms.His warm fingers pry her hands open as he keeps her pressed against the wall and his chin dips into her hair.He waits a couple of seconds before he takes the smallest step back, and when she finally musters up the courage to meet his gaze, his eyes are so dark they look almost black. A corner of his mouth quirks up when he looks at the spider and then he says, low and dirty and rough,“You better watch your back Covey.I’m coming for you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love your feedback! Thank you readers!!
> 
> __________________________
> 
> Chapter title from "On the Floor" by Perfume Genius


	4. I'm gonna help you see

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PK makes inroads.

He’s taken aback when he feels the warmth emanating from her body, and when his hands reach in back of her he closes his eyes for a moment, getting lost in feeling the softness of her hands and the whiff of the sweet scent of her hair - hair that is all sexy and tousled.Her skin, so flawless and bright, is making him a little crazy. And those lips are doing something to him. Those challenging eyes, looking up at him under those long lashes are, too. Who wakes up looking like this after passing out? 

And who wakes up and immediately plans to hide a nasty furry fake spider to scare the shit out of someone who gave her his freaking bed?And fed her sorry ass? He can’t even fit on the sofa - his back and neck are aching and his legs are sore from being curled up all night.

But he’s feeling it, feeling her, and something about her makes him want more, even though she’s difficult and infuriating and ice cold and unavailable and it’s frustrating and confusing.He takes a few steps backwards, needing to create some space, but he doesn’t take his eyes off of her.They silently stare at each other for a long beat and then he asks, “what do you want for breakfast?” He’s gruff and not smiling.

“I’m going to eat at home.”

He smirks and walks into the kitchen, feeling her close behind him.

He pours himself some coffee and when he sees her eye his mug, he silently pours her some.

“Do you have coffee at your apartment?”

“Uh….. no I didn’t buy anything. I was planning on waiting out the blizzard with Ben at his place.”

“So why aren’t you?”

“Because..…it’s complicated.”

“Oh yeah?How so?”

“It’s a long story.I haven’t even had a chance to process the last iteration.”She sighs. “I’m going to look for my key.I bet it fell behind your sofa cushions.”

He follows her to the living room and watches as she pushes her hands between the sofa cushions.

“So what are we doing today?”

“What?”

“What are our plans?Remember, you get to choose.”

“I have to write, so that’s what I’m doing.” She reaches behind a cushion and holds up the key.“Look! Here it is!”

“Cool.I have to get some work done, too.My place or yours?”

She sighs.“God, you’re pathological.

“Pathologically what?”

“Lots of things.”

“Oh yeah?” He smirks.“Pot meet kettle.”

“Your need to be liked.”

“Your need to be aloof.”

“Your need for attention.”

“Your need for avoidance.”

“Ego driven.”

“Judgment driven.”

“Overly familiar.”

“Overly distant.”

“Weirdly tidy.”

“Weirdly hangry.”He arches a brow and gives her a knowing nod.

She bursts out laughing, Her stomach _is_ yearning for some food.He’s got her on that one.

“I win.” Peter grins.

“What?Win what?”

“I made you laugh first.”

“Come on, Peter.That’s not a thing.That’s not what we’re fighting for.”

“What is, then?”He’s gruff again and he stares at her.

“Who gets what they want first.”

“Yeah?What do I want?”His gaze doesn’t stray.He really wants to know.He’s not sure himself.

“You want me to be wrong about you.”

* * *

Lara Jean finally agrees to work together, but she prefers her place and Peter is happy to oblige.He shows up at the designated time, bringing his work bag and a large canvas bag with him.

“What’s that?”Lara Jean asks, curious, nodding to the canvas bag.

“It’s food and coffee and a bottle of that Tempranillo that got you shit-faced.This bottle is unopened, so you’ll be able to get stupid drunk about five times on it, given your tolerance.” 

“Peter, thanks, but I don’t need it.”

He sighs, exasperated.“Covey, you are so much freaking work.Why is it that I have to work so hard to give you something that you need?”

“Well I don’t really need it.”

“Oh really?I just read that it’s not supposed to stop snowing like this until late Tuesday night, and they won’t get this all cleared on Wednesday.So what are you going to do?You’re not going to drink coffee until then?”

Her eyes widen.“Are you serious?I haven’t even looked at my phone.I’ve been so preoccupied with my book.” _And avoiding Ben._

“Hey Peter?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.Thanks for feeding me and giving me your bed and the caffeine and everything.I really appreciate it.You’ve been super sweet,” she says.And then quickly adds, “About those things specifically.”

His face lights up.“See I knew you’d come around!I _am_ sweet!”

“Forget it.Never mind.I don’t want any of it.”

He laughs.“Come on Covey.It’s just a little Kavinsky sweetness.No one is immune.”

“Nope.I’d rather starve than contribute to an ego trip.”But she smiles and reaches for the bag.

* * *

They settle at the small table in her kitchen, and Peter tackles his reading while Lara Jean gets lost in her book.Lara Jean writing is something else.She is off in another world - either staring off into space, jotting down notes in a pink and gold spiral notebook, or quickly typing away on her laptop.She is singularly focused on her work, and Peter is pretty sure that she doesn’t even remember that he’s there. 

She’s so quiet for so long that he’s startled when he hears her calling his name.

“Peter? Have you given any thought to what you’d like Isaac’s love interest’s name to be?”

He smiles.“Yeah I have actually.”

She looks apprehensive.

“Grant.”

“Your middle name?”

He nods.

She’s pensive and then a slow smile spreads across her face.“You know what?I like it.It’s perfect.”

“Yeah?”He’s smiling, too, now.

“Yeah.”

“What’s his job?”

“I don’t know yet.”

“How about a public defender?”

“Wow, I didn’t think of that.That would make him so dreamy.”

“Huh.Dreamy?That’s interesting.Because that’s what I do.”

Lara Jean’s mouth drops open.“You’re a public defender?”

He’s smug.“Yep.That’s me.A dreamy public defender.”

“Well I’m not going to argue despite your ego.That’s an incredible job.”

“Thanks, I love it.” It’s nice to hear her praise his profession.He knows a lot of peoplethink that big law is more prestigious because of the money, but he knew early on that he wanted to do this.

“So can I ask you for another favor?”

His eyes gleam.“What?”

“Will you answer some questions about your job?So I can write about it for Grant?”

“Sure….But it will cost you.” 

She sighs.“What now?”

“Tonight we do what I want when we hang out.” 

“Fine.”

She makes a note in her notebook and he glances over.“Is that all the stuff about Grant?”

“Yeah, just the random things I think of.I try to keep them organized in one place.”

“Can I see?”

“Well, I don’t know…It might be uncomfortablebecause it has some observations I made about you…Not that they’re bad, but they’re kind of intimate.Like things we wouldn’t tell each other.I’ll show you Isaac instead, okay?”

He reads and comments,“He sounds kind of boring.”

“No he doesn’t,” she huffs.

“Well this is a romance, right?I don’t see any notes about how he is when he hooks up.Here, give me your notebook.I have some ideas.”He looks at her with a lazy grin.

“No!”

“Okay, I’ll write down things that I think, given your character description so far here,” he points to his legal pad.“And then I’ll give the notes to you.”

“That’s not necessary.In fact, I ask that you don’t.”

“First note.Always wears socks in bed because his feet are cold.”

“Deal,” she warns.

He chuckles and goes on, “Number two.Insists on keeping a towel at the ready to prevent messes.Number three-”

“Actually I do have some notes for bedroom Grant…..Screamer.Consistent with character’s girly shriek when confronting an imaginary spider.Extremely loud in bed and uncannily resembles the sounds of a woman.Shockingly high pitched.”She gives Peter a pointed look and nods slightly. 

“Covey - ”Peter is turning red.

“Also,” she says, her mouth curving into a wicked smile, “participates in a boudoir photo shoot in which he dresses as a devil and puts the tail in his -“

“Jesus, Covey! I surrender.”

* * *

Peter has Lara Jean come back to his apartment in the evening.He’s made dinner and the plan is for them to watch a double feature, both of them getting to choose one movie.

“Oh my god, Peter, this is so good,” Lara Jean says, digging into the stuffed peppers he made.

“Girl, do you ever cook?You had like three yogurts, seltzer and old fruit in your fridge.”

She shrugs, “Not really.I’ve always been more of a baker.But when I was growing up, after Margot went to college, I had to take over cooking for the family.But I was never interested and just never did it after I moved out.”

“So how did you eat?”

“Well in college I just had meal plan and then I lived with Ben, and he always cooks.He’s good at that kind of stuff.You know, adulting.”

“Oh you lived with him?”

“Yeah, I lived with him after we graduated.And we were supposed to move together to Boston when I got into BU’s program, but then he got this crazy job offer and didn’t come.”

Peter stays still, not wanting to interrupt the momentum, afraid she’ll stop talking if he says anything.

“I broke up with him then, obviously.But he was really persistent and I still loved him and after a long time, I decided to give it another shot.He moved here on his own and got his own place and everything.And then he got into business school here, so I decided to stay in Boston until he was done.But then he got another job and we decided to just stay here for the time being, knowing that our ultimate goal is to get to New York.”

“So you never moved back in with him?”

“No, we were going to find a place together in New York.”

“So you guys are moving soon?”

“Well, that’s complicated…. I just found out that he took another job that requires him to be in Asia fifty percent of the time.So it’s better to be on the West Coast.”

“So you’re moving to the West Coast now?”

She shrugs.“I haven’t really processed, but most likely not.”And then he can see her withdraw again.She becomes quiet and her shoulders hunch forward a little.If she were anyone else, he would reach out.If he were anyone else, she’d probably welcome the touch.But he knows he has to tread carefully or else she’ll retreat.

“Hey, go easy on that wine, Covey.I don’t want to listen to you snore.”

She snorts.“I don’t snore.”

“Your snore is obnoxiously loud.”

“As loud as your spider scream?”

“Touché.”

“God that was worse than the girls at Kitty’s tween slumber parties.”

“Hey, did I mention that you had a very vocal dream when you were sleeping here?”

“Nice try, Peter.I never dream when I pass out.”She snickers.“And trust me, if I had a vocal dream, you’d really have to convince me that it was about you.”

“Hey now.Don’t be cruel.”

“Don’t make up dumb stories then.”

“You say dumb, I say epic.”

“Can you just be quiet so we can watch a movie?My pick is When Harry Met Sally.”

“Okay, but I’ve seen it before.”

“Yeah, me too, but that’s my pick.”

He grins.“Yes ma’am.”

“You’re a good boy, Peter Kavinsky,” she says, smiling up at him as she curls into the corner of the sofa and Peter puts a throw over her. 

* * *

Peter knocks on Lara Jean's door first thing in the morning.

“Time for our morning hang out!” Peter says, grinning, his curls sticking out like crazy, and his eyes warm and happy. 

“Hey, I’m going out,” Lara Jean says, answering the door all bundled up in her winter gear. 

“What?Where are you going?”

“Jeremy just texted me.He’s able to open the coffee house for a few hours.I’m dying for his cappuccino.”

“Who’s Jeremy?” A punch of jealousy hits him.

“He’s the sweetest boy ever.He works there.Peter, come on, move aside, I’m dying for it!I’m like an addict.”

“Wait a minute.I’ll go with you.Let me get my coat.I could see you drowning in a snow drift or something.”

“How does one drown in a snow drift? Whatever, never mind.If you want to come, hurry!”

None of the sidewalks are shoveled, so it takes forever to get to the coffee house, which is only two blocks away.

When they enter, Lara Jean squeals and runs over to the guy working behind the counter.“Jeremy, I missed you so much!”She’s making a huge fuss over him, and Peter can see the kid’s face break out into a big grin.

“Hey Lara Jean, go sit down and warm up.I’ll bring it over in a sec, okay?”

“Oh my god, you are the best.”

“Flirt much?” Peter grumbles as they sit down.

“Excuse me?”

“You’re throwing yourself at that kid.”

“Peter, I’m not even going to respond to that.”

“Just saying.”

“Well don’t.Especially since you are the biggest flirt known to mankind.And I’m not one to slut shame, but your reputation in that regard precedes you.”

He winces, but he stays quiet.

“Don’t mess with me Peter.You know you’ll lose.I haven’t caffeinated yet and I have nothing in my stomach.I’ll fight to the end with you and you know who will be the last person standing.”

He’s sulking now, but he doesn’t say another word.

Jeremy comes over and places the steaming mug in front of Lara Jean with a plated croissant. 

“Thanks so much, Jeremy!This looks amazing.”

“You’re welcome.I was worried about how you were holding up while we were closed.

“I felt horrible.Life was nasty brutish and short.Ha!Did you hear that?I stuck in some Hobbes in there for your philosophy major.”

“I got it,” he winks at her.“I’ll be back in a bit to check in on you.”

Peter scowls.

Lara Jean gives him a warning look.“Don’t even start.I won’t invite you again.” 

“Oh did you invite me here?That was an invitation?Because I felt like it was more like everything else that we do.I figure out what you’re doing and force you to let me do it with you.”

“You are particularly needy right now.I’m wondering if you need some Vitamin D or something.”

“Sure, that must be it,” he mutters.Then he looks at her mug.“Is there an “L” in your drink?”

“Yeah.It’s beautiful and makes me happy every morning.So what?”

“You come here every morning and you get one of those and a baked good?”

“Pretty much. Yeah.Sometimes I stay and work here.”

“Hmmm…Do you pay for it?”

“Sometimes, why?I always put something in the tip jar.”

“I’m just seeing an interesting pattern with you.”

“God, are you going to ruin the first cappuccino I’ve had in days?Please don’t analyze me.”

“Do you think I have it easier because I’m good looking and charming?”

“Of course you do.The looks are indisputable but the charm is kind of an ‘eye of the beholder’ type of thing.” 

He chuckles, shaking his head.“Well I think the same thing about you."

“What?”

“You get your specially designed cappuccino and your warmed baked good before another customer even gets approached? You know why this happens, right?Because he thinks you’re beautiful and sweet and fun and he wants to do something nice for you to make you smile.Because people are drawn to you.And I bet there are plenty of other things in your life that you don’t notice because it happens all the time.”

She scoffs.“I think what you’re saying is a result of you not getting my undivided attention. And I think you are so used to getting everyone’s attention that it’s killing you that you can’t get it from me all of the time.You don’t even really want it, but now that you can’t have it, it’s all that you can think about.”

His jaw twitches a little, and then he says, holding her gaze, “That’s where you’re wrong.I do want it.I want it all.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for your feedback! 
> 
> ___________________________
> 
> Chapter title from "New Love Cassette" by Angel Olsen.


	5. I wanna show you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A kiss and a hook up.

She throws her head back and laughs.“Peter, I think you’re having a moment…Maybe it’s the result of cabin fever.You’ve gotten pretty much all of my attention the past few days and now that another guy takes me away from you for a second, you lose it.Don’t worry,” she says, smiling and patting his hand, “this will be over soon and you can go back to your normal life.”

He presses his lips together and looks down into his coffee.“What’s normal life for me, Covey?”

“Booty calls at two in the morning?” She smiles.“And loud parties that drive your nerdy neighbor insane?”

“And what’s your normal life?"

“Mine?Writing, dreaming, baking…you know…it’s pretty wild.”She smiles at him.

He looks at her, his eyes soft.“You’re being nice right now.”

“I am?”

“Yeah, you’re being nice and playful.Like you are to everyone else.”

“Oh, maybe I’m having a moment, too.Take it while you can.You know it’s going to be short-lived.You’re loving it, right?”She’s still smiling, her dimples are hitting him deep in his belly and he loves it.

“Yeah, I really do….But you know what?I love it when you’re mean to me too.”

“Ha!You’re so twisted, Peter Kavinsky.”

“It’s because I’m pretty sure you’re only mean to me,” he smiles.

* * *

As they trudge through the snow back to their building, Peter keeps a firm grip on Lara Jean’s shoulders so she doesn’t fall.Everything is blanketed in white, and it’s so bright, even against the gray sky that it’s almost blinding.There’s no telling where the sidewalks end and the streets begin, and there is not another person in site.It’s so quiet that they can hear each other take breaths as they exert themselves to stay upright and keep walking.

“So what are our plans for today, Covey?”

“Well, I have to bail on you for this evening.”

“What?You can’t.This is part of the Grant deal.”

“Yeah I know, but Ben’s coming over.We have to talk about stuff.”

He’s quiet.“What’s your plan?”

She shrugs, “I’m not sure, but I have to have the conversation with him.”

“Are you going to tell him about Grant?”

She snorts.“God, Peter, is that what you’re thinking about?Do you want me to?”

“Hell yeah.”

She grabs some snow and pushes it in his face, laughing.“There.That’s what I think about your ego.”

He sputters, wiping the snow off.“Covey, this is one battle you definitely won’t win.You know that, right?”He picks her up and stumbles around in the snow, growling like a bear while she laughs and squirms, trying to get loose.

“Oh, you want down?”he says, pretending that he’s going to drop her into the snow.But eventually he loses balance and they fall, laughing hard, and Peter lands on top of her.They look at each other in silence for a moment, and then Peter puts his gloved hand on her scarf, and fists it, tugging her closer to him.And then he runs his nose up her jaw and says in a low, soft voice, almost a whisper, “See, you are so sweet Covey.I know you are.You’ve always been the sweetest girl…Even when we were little. Remember spin the bottle?You smelled like sunshine and the beach then, too.” He closes his eyes and brushes his cheek against hers.“God, your skin is so soft.You’re just so soft and sweet.” 

Lara Jean freezes.Is this really happening?Peter Kavinsky is on top of her, smelling so good, like clean laundry and forest, and he’s acting like he’s crazy about her, so crazy that he’s having a hard time being this close to her.She hasn’t even allowed herself to really look at him until now..But here he is, his brown gold eyes open but heavy-lidded, his eyelashes so close to her face that she can feel him blink.One million butterflies are fluttering all over her being while he takes his time breathing her in, his soft lips are slowly moving along her ear and down her cheek, and she’s getting lost in the sensation.She’s falling apart and he hasn’t even gotten to her lips. Even though Lara Jean feels the cold air nip at her face, there is a solid heat that is pulsing through her body. When he finally reaches her mouth, he pauses and lets out a small sigh that hits her core.His lips hover over hers for a moment, and then he tugs on her bottom lip, pulling it into his mouth and giving it a tender suck before finally pressing his soft lips on her, gradually adding more gentle pressure and more, using his tongue to gently pry her lips open.

She’s drowning now, in a trance, at complete mercy to whatever Peter is doing to her lips and face and mouth.She feels almost comatose although if she were comatose she wouldn’t be able to feel what she’s feeling right now, which is soft wet heat and gentle pressure, not urgent but seeking and thorough and deep.And if she were comatose she wouldn’t be shaking.What she’d like to say is _don’t ever stop_ , but she’s in a state of verbal paralysis.Peter is not rushing - he’s tilting his face one way and then the other, creating new angles to explore her mouth, his tongue a wet hot slide against hers, his hot breaths heavy around her mouth.This kiss is slippery and full and slow and soft and she can feel her whole body spark. 

But then he gently pulls away and looks at her.There’s still heat in his eyes when he says, breathing hard, “I’ve been wanting to do that for a while now.”And then he takes a long look at her face, his brow slightly furrowed while he straightens her hat and tucks her scarf in closer to her neck.She’s not able to reply.His kiss has rendered her speechless.Inside she’s screaming “ _Why did you stop? And what was that? And is this how it always is with you?_ ” But it’s all she can do to meet his eye. 

“You aren’t going to avoid me now, are you?”He’s tugging her up now, gently brushing the snow off her hat and coat.She’s mute.Unable to form words.Her legs are jello.“That wasn’t what I had planned.I should have waited for you to talk to Ben first, I know.”

He tucks her tightly under his arm and is quiet for the rest of the walk home, turning to glance at her occasionally.And she stays attached to his side, unable to move away or not wanting to, she doesn’t even know which anymore.She’s wobbly and relies on Peter to keep her upright. As they stand in the elevator he says firmly, still holding her up and turning to look in her eyes, “Now Covey, listen to me.There’s no hiding or avoiding, okay?You’re going to talk to Ben tonight and I’ll give you space to process but I’m going to make you breakfast tomorrow morning.Okay?”

She nods silently. And he walks her to her apartment, and presses his lips to her forehead and hugs her tight against him.“See you tomorrow, okay?”She nods again and then suddenly reaches up and kisses him softly, and she feels the curve of his smile against her lips. 

* * *

Peter jumps out of bed the next morning.He’s so excited to see Lara Jean that he feels a rush of adrenaline, his heart is thumping hard and loud in his ear.He’s still reeling from that kiss, reeling from knowing that she’s feeling it too, and overwhelmed by their chemistry.He’s elated that she kissed him again before he left her - she had been so quiet that he was wondering if she was already regretting it.He’s euphoric, and he can’t wait for more with her - whatever that may be, whatever she’s ready for. 

He spent last night thinking about how he could show her that he can be different from the guy she thinks he is.Most of it is deserved - in high school it was common knowledge he had an endless parade of hook ups after Gen cheated on him.He did his part to throw it in her face.College wasn’t much different, and to be honest, the present isn’t much different either.Maybe the volume is less, but he certainly hasn’t been involved with anyone exclusively for years.He knows he’ll have to take his time and show her it’s different with her.

He walks over to her door, already smiling, his arm already extended to knock when he notices that the boot tray next to her doorway still has two pairs of boots - Lara Jean’s furry grey Sorels and a pair of large brown Columbias.

His jaw clenches painfully.Fuck this.Ben slept over?She let him sleep there knowing they had plans this morning.After what happened yesterday?Knowing that he’d see?She could really give a shit.He shakes his head.Anger and hurt course through his body as he goes back to his apartment to grab his coat.As he waits for the elevator he pulls out his phone.

Peter:Hey there. Are you around tonight?

Jenna: Sure am.Want to hang out?

Peter: Yeah.I’ll text you after work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I love hearing from you.  
> ______________________
> 
> Chapter title from "New Love Cassette" by Angel Olsen.


	6. Covey world

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few steps forward, a few steps back.

The phone is ringing as Peter opens the door to his office.He maneuvers quickly over his desk to answer it. “Hello, this is Peter.”

“Hey, Peter?”

He’s silent.

“It’s kind of crazy that we don’t have each other’s numbers, right?I had to look you up.”

Her voice is shaky and her words are rushed.He can tell she’s nervous. 

“Anyway I had to call you because I’m so sorry about this morning.Ben had a hard time getting here last night because of the roads so he waited until they plowed.He came super late and we ended up staying up the whole night.”

“I’m glad you guys had a nice night,” he says, clipped and mean.

“Peter?I’ve been with Ben for years.And I needed to have a conversation with him about our relationship.And I owed him a huge apology, too.I kissed you before I ended things with him, and he didn’t deserve that.I had to say a lot of hard things to him and also listen to what he had to say.It wasn’t an easy conversation, and there’s no way I could cut it short.Can you get that?”

He doesn’t reply and she goes on.

“And I really am sorry, Peter.I lost track of time.The night became morning, and I didn’t even realize because I was disoriented from staying up.And then when he left I rushed over, but had already left.I’m sorry that you had to start the morning like that.”

And just like that, the heaviness of the morning is already dissolving.

“So is it over?”Gruff.

“Yeah,” she says quietly. 

“Are you okay?”

“Kind of.”

He gets up from his chair and stretches the phone cord so he can close the door.

“Do you regret the kiss?”

“Yes and no.”

“Why?”

“Well things were still on with Ben at that point, so that was wrong.”

“But?”He’s husky now.

“Oh god, Peter.What do you want me to say?”She gives a breathy little laugh that hits him hard.

“Tell me it was the best kiss of your life and you want me bad.In a phone sex voice.”

“Deal.And never.”

He chuckles.

“Meet me for dinner tonight so we can discuss further.”

“I don’t know… I have to -“

“What kind of apology call is this?You stood me up this morning to be with another guy and now I have to beg you to eat dinner with me?”

“You’re right -I’m sorry. I would love to have dinner with you.But it’s not another guy, Peter. He was my boyfriend.Technically you’re the ‘another guy’ in this scenario.My head is spinning from all that transpired in the last twenty-four hours.”

“All I heard from that was that you are dying to have dinner with me. What’s your number?”

“6172449245.”

“I’ll text you to make plans.Take a nap, okay?You must be exhausted.”

“Okay, have a good day.”

“Bye, Covey.”

“Bye, Peter Kavinsky.”

He hangs up, a huge grin stretching across his face.

* * *

Peter waits outside for her.When her Uber pulls in front of the restaurant, he quickly lopes over to open the door and help her navigate the piles of snow.After they get settled at their table, he smiles and looks her over.

“What?”

“You look good,” he says, looking at her admiringly. “I like your hair.”She’s wearing it down and wavy tonight.

“Oh thanks.I can only wear it so many ways with the hats,” she says, patting her hair and blushing.

“So, let’s discuss.”

“Discuss what?”

“Our kiss.”

“What about it?”

“How epic it was.”

She’s silent and he smiles.“So you agree?”

“I do, but… I guess I was wondering…”

“Wondering what?”

“Is that how it always is with you?Is it always so like _that_?”

He shakes his head.“Seriously?If that were the case why would I be here?Why would I make you promise to eat breakfast with me the next day?Why would I just pathetically cave after two minutes of your phone apology and then beg you to eat dinner after you blow me off?”

She shrugs.“I don’t know.”

“I think you can figure it out, Covey.You’re one of the smartest people I know.Come on, let’s order.Do you want wine?Let’s see if they can give you a half-glass portion so you won’t pass out at the table.”

She smiles at him, wide and bright.“Wine sounds good.My eyes are too tired to focus on the list.Can you order?Red, dry, and Spanish if they have it.”

He cocks his head to one side and looks at her fondly.“Yes ma’am. Why are your eyes tired? Did you write all day?"

“Yeah, other than my nap, I was pretty productive.How was your day?”

He smiles at her.

“What now?”

“You’re being sweet.You want to know how my day was.And you told me to have a good day on the phone earlier.”

She chuckles.“It doesn’t take much with you, does it?”

He grins. 

They decide to share entrees for dinner, and as they eat they get lost in their easy banter and the buzz of their chemistry crackling around them.They are oblivious to everyone around them and are startled when they finally break eye contact and realize that all the other tables are empty.

Peter orders the car and laughs as he helps her with all her layers, tugging her hat down over her eyes and pretending that he’s tangled up in her scarf.He tucks her into his side while they wait in the vestibule for the car.When she smiles at him, he looks down at her with warm eyes and says, “See?That wasn’t so hard.”

* * *

Peter has the car drop them off at the coffee shop a block away from their building so they can get hot teas and walk the rest of the way.The steam from their drinks is blows out white puffsin the cold night air as they walk in a comfortable silence, their sides touching, occasionally glancing at each other and smiling.Neither of them know for sure what tomorrow will bring and aren’t prepared to hear what the other wants, but right now is good and easy and they aren’t ready to have that conversation.They have time.

In the elevator, they lean against opposite walls, and Peter can’t take his eyes off of Lara Jean. Her cheeks are flushed from the cold and the bit of lip that is peeking out from under her scarf is lipstick-free and plump and pink. He surprises her when he suddenly moves closer, stuffing his gloves in his coat pockets. He then brings his hands up to gently pull Lara Jean’s scarf under her chin.“I just have to see…” he says in an almost whisper.He runs his thumb slowly over her bottom lip and then over the top and as he does this, her lips part. When she lets out a hot little breath, he sighs and stuffs his hands in his pockets and leans back against the wall.His lids are heavy now and he says quietly, almost to himself, “I had to do that.I wanted to know how they felt against my finger.”

The air is heavy and charged as they lock eyes, and when the elevator doors open they walk out in a daze. 

“Peter?” 

“Peter?”

He looks up and his eyes widen.Jenna is standing in front of his door.

“I’ve been trying to text you.Were we supposed to meet at my place?”

He doesn’t answer.His eyes are fixed on Lara Jean.

“Peter?”Jenna looks at him and then notices her and narrows her eyes.

Lara Jean smiles.“Hey, I’m Lara Jean, Peter’s neighbor.You guys have a good night.”

She enters her apartment and locks the door behind her.

* * *

Peter: Are you up?

Lara Jean: Yeah.

Peter: I’m coming over. 

To his surprise she already has the door open when he gets there. 

“I forgot that I made plans with her,” he begins right away.

“Yeah, it seemed that way.”Her tone is neutral. 

“I sent her home.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah, okay.You don’t owe me any explanations, Peter.I mean, I’m disappointed, but I’m not surprised.”

This is worse than anger.She’s sliding back into indifference.

“So maybe we should talk about things.”

“Well that’s the thing.Do we really want to?Because I can’t jump into another relationship right now.And you don’t really seem like you’d want to anyway.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Well, this is your life, right?Hook ups, nothing serious, nothing exclusive, right?And even though I’m not ready for a relationship right now, I will be later.And I’m a relationship person.I don’t do what you do.”

“I feel like you’re speaking pejoratively.”

“No, I’m not.This is just reality.We’re totally incompatible.”

“Why do you say that?I feel like I’m extremely compatible with you.I love being around you.I’m crazy attracted to you.I can’t stop thinking about you.”

She smiles.“Yeah, I feel some of that, too, but I’m me.And the timing is weird.I can’t go all in right now anyway but I don’t do casual.I tried that once and it was a disaster.”

“So I’ll wait.”

“Wait for what?I’m never going to just hook up and have no expectations.”

“I’ll wait for you to be ready for a relationship.”

Lara Jean laughs.“Come on!”

“Why are you laughing?”

“Peter, you can’t.Come on.You are being really sweet, but it’s impossible.Let’s just be friends.”

“Why can’t I?”

“Let me guess…..You made plans with Jenna when I stood you up this morning.”

“Yeah, so?”

“You’re impatient.You need instant gratification.You need constant ego massaging.We don’t know how long it will take me to be ready.And I’m not going to want you if you sleep around.I actually think it’s kind of gross.”

“Don’t be mean.”

“Fine, let me put it this way. Wouldn’t you think it’s a little gross if I’m having sex with all these different partners?Like right before we might be together?That I’m just going from one to the-”

“Okay,” he says quickly.“I get what you’re saying.”

“Good.So friends?”She smiles at him.

“No, I can never be just friends with you,” he says, his voice soft and low. He reaches his hand out to her hair and watches it fall between his fingers.

“You know,” he says, lowering his eyes, “when we were in school together I used to always wonder what you were thinking about.You were so quiet but you always looked deep in thought. You had a small group of people you let in…I was always wondering why you chose them.It made me jealous.”

He smiles softly at her.“It’s like you had this special Covey world and in it were all these little secrets that only a chosen few could unlock.Secrets about your dreams and your pretty dresses and your hair and your voice…And now I feel like I finally just got the tiniest glimpse inside and now I’m not allowed back in.”

He exhales, rubbing a hand over his face.“But the thing is - and I know I’m just throwing myself out there right now… I can’t pretend that I can turn away now.It’s just the best and sweetest and most perfect place, and I have to keep trying to get back in.It’s really the only place for me.”

He gently brushes her hair off her face with his hand, lingering to place his palm on her cheek and then he says, his eyes soft and bright, “You know what?You were right about what we were fighting for then… And you won.You were right about me then.But you don’t know who I am with _you_ yet.And I’m going to show you. You can set the pace.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading. I love hearing from you!


	7. I wanna hold you close

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Covid, tacos, and petrichor.

Peter Kavinsky has a special power.Lara Jean first thought that she was only affected by it when he kissed her, but no, the other night proved to her that she is really never immune to it - touches and words and looks also cause her to become completely mute.It’s frustrating and unpredictable and overwhelming, and part of her wants to withdraw completely.But there is a bigger part that draws her to him and that part is impossible to resist because it’s exciting and unlike anything she’s ever experienced and there’s no denying that she wants it.

All of Peter is making her mind spin and giving her so much inspiration for her writing.She’s having the best time dreaming up the sweetest hottest love story for her Issac and Grant, and Grant is becoming more complex and more compelling by the second.And the more she thinks about Grant the more she thinks about Peter.His thick lashes rimming his beautiful eyes.His impossibly low and smooth voice. _It’s really the only place for me._ Did Peter really say that to her?Goose bumps prickle at her skin just thinking about it.

Her phone buzzing takes her out of her reverie.

“Hey Dad?”

“Honey, have you looked at the news today?”

“No, I’ve been burrowing in my book.”

“Sweetie, that virus that’s been spreading all over Asia and Europe and the West Coast has been discovered on the East Coast.States are locking down.”

“What?”

“Turn on your news alerts, okay?You need to buy some groceries and stay at home as much as possible.Don’t get scared.Just stay informed.”

She takes a breath, scanning the room to see where she left her keys.“Okay.” 

“I love you.Call me when you get back from the store.”

“Love you too.”

* * *

“Covey, what is this?”Peter’s eyes are wide as he looks around.There are six candles, packs of colored pencils and markers and coloring books, bars of chocolate, bags of coffee beans, and bottles of wine spread across her kitchen table.

“What? We’re supposed to get prepared for staying at home, right?”

“Yeah, that means buy some cans of beans and some pasta and other essentials.Not,” he says, smiling as he picks up one of the chocolate bars, “eight bars of dark chocolate with sea salt and an assortment of soy candles.”

“Well I read about people stockpiling toilet paper and stuff.I can’t bring myself to do that.I bought things that will keep me happy and occupied.”

“How are you going to eat?”

She shrugs.“I have enough stuff.”

He pauses and then looks at her emptying pencil shavings into a wastebasket.“What are you doing?”

“I’m sharpening all the pencils I have.”She holds up a jar full of sharpened pencils.“It’s really satisfying.”

“Wow. There are two dozen perfectly sharpened pencils in there. Is this how your anxiety is manifesting?”

“Yes.Peter, I just broke up with my long-term boyfriend.My family is states away.People are sick and dying all over the world and who knows how long this will all last?I’m just trying stay focused on the little things that I can control.”

“Hey,” he says gently, “you know what?I think coloring sounds fun. And if you can, for the time being try to reframe it….like we’re stuck inside because of blizzard again.It’s not good to go out, but it will pass and life will return to normal again. We don’t know what’s going to happen.”

She sighs and nods.“I think that you being an athlete and compulsive exerciser has made you better equipped to deal with this.All those endorphins make you into an optimist.Pandemic is probably not where I shine.”

He bumps her shoulder.“You know what I bought on the way home today?Stuff for margaritas and tacos.”

She gives him a small smile.“You did?Is there enough for me?”

He shakes his head, smiling at her.“Covey, come on!Of course.I was thinking of you when I was shopping.Come over when you’re done sharpening.On second thought, come with me now.You can sharpen while I cook.We’ll eat tacos and watch scary news together.”

“I am not watching that on your huge screen,” she grimaces. “I’m already on pins and needles about this.”

“Let’s watch something that will make you happy.It’s going to be okay.Come on, let’s go.”He rubs her back and leads her to the door.

* * *

Peter reads the news on his phone while Lara Jean gets lost in reruns of The Office. When she glances at him, he’s frowning with a deep crease in between his brows. 

“Hey, is something wrong?"

“I’m worried about the implications this will have on my clients.What’s going to happen if the courts close?They’ll be stuck in limbo for who knows how long.”

“God that’s awful.I’m sorry.”

He tosses his phone down and looks at her, “You know what will make me feel better?”

“I’m afraid to ask…. But let me try to guess.”She laughs.“A lifetime paid contract with an exterminator?”

“You are such a brat!” He says laughing and then he turns to her and says,“No, just come here.”He reaches his arms out and when she gets closer, leaning her back against his chest, he sighs.“I’ve been thinking about this a lot."

“You have?”She smiles. 

“Yeah,” he says.

She reaches up and threads her hand through his curls.“You’re pretty sweet, Peter Kavinsky. And a pretty good cuddler.” She rubs his head for a while and he stays motionless for a minute before he drops his head onto her shoulder.He’s so still that she thinks he’s falling asleep until she feels his hand slowly run over her exposed collarbone.She can hardly hear him when he murmurs, “You are so soft.Everywhere I touch you…”And then she feels smooth lips gliding over her neck, barely touching her skin before it turns into hot wet suction that’s only broken by heavy heated breaths, and it’s turning her into a gasping needy mess.

Peter is taking his time - it’s so slow how his mouth moves on her and it’s making her wild. It’s making her lose her mind. It’s not safe what’s happening to her right now.She’s going to combust.Again she wants to scream _hurry up!_ and beg for more but he’s stolen her voice again.She’s hardly breathing in this warm dense fog, and she’s on the verge of losing control.She tries to squirm and push and pull against him, to make him move faster and go further, but he’s committed to this languid maddening pace despite the solid hard press against her thigh.His hand is moving along her jaw now, his thumb stroking her lips, coaxing them open before moving his tongue against hers.She closes her eyes tight and prays he doesn’t say another word.If he does, she won’t make it.She’ll pack her bags and move into this apartment and never leave.And what makes it worse is that she thinks he would probably like it if she did.The kisses are epic but his words will be her undoing. _Please don’t say a word.Let’s just keep doing this._

But then she bites.

And he shudders.

Then he immediately stills, his mouth open against her. His broad shoulders rise above her as he sits back against the sofa, creating some physical space between them.She sees that he too is struggling to maintain control.His hair is crazy and his eyes are intense, all dark pupil with a ring of golden brown.Before she can feel the void from the missing warmth, he hugs her close and says, his voice low and vibrating in her chest, “I was listening to a science segment on NPR at work today and I learned a word that made me think of you.Petrichor.It’s that sweet smell when rain finally falls after a dry spell.Did you know that?I had no idea there was a word for that, but it makes sense because it smells so good.It has to be the best smell in the world.It’s so good that companies fund research so scientists can study it."  He nuzzles her hair and continues. "You know, your hair has always smelled like the beach but I’ve been trying to figure out what makes me so crazy whenever I smell your skin… It’s so familiar and sweet and addictive but I could never place it until today.That’s what it is, Covey.Petrichor."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I love hearing from you.
> 
> __________________
> 
> Chapter title from "New Love Cassette" by Angel Olsen.


End file.
